Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
