i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
