Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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