I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
