"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
