Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
