i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize