Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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