Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
