no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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