no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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