Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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