He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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