I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
