i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
