can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
