I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
