Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize