please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
