yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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