Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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