i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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