I want to stick my p in your. b.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
