I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
