Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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