My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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