I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
