I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
