mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
