I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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