After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
