I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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