you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
