i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
