Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
