Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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