Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
