ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
