Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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