Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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