I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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