i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
