you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
