Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
