Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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