Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
