I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
