I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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