I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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