And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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