Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
