Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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