If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
