I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize