so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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