i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
