I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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