i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
