Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
