just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
