I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
