im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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