all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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