I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize