Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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