a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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