I'll bet she douches with gravy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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