it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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