I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
