I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
