Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
