i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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