note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize