i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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