I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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