Please don't use social media to get back at me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize