I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
