Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
