when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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