Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
