I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
