She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How does it feel to date your dad?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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