My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
