Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
